Finding the Niche

Well, well, if I must speak of yet more adventures in ‘The World’, I may just have to scream. Even simplistic gameplay can get uber frustrating when all of your friends seem to be obstacles of pure annoyance. I logged in today at oh around 8 a.m., expecting to blow of some steam after vigorously working on my MMORPG. However, I was in for a long day…

 Cubia was fast asleep before my feet even touched the cold, blue earth in his little realm of shadows and darkness. Despite being in his human avatar form, you could still hear the loud pulsing of the core piece that served as his ‘heart’. I’d usually fall asleep to such a sound, but today I was rejuventated after spending much time asleep myself, which is a rarety for me. Averaging around 2-4 hours a night, my body was used to running on low at a constant and stable speed. Perhaps my happy dosage of blood and gore from ‘Silent Hill Origins’ was the cause. Whatever…

 ”Cubia, you bum, wake the fsck up!” I’m used to saying ‘fsck’ ever since my best friend, Jess, ushered me to use that way of spelling it. It’s amusing how Skeith also tried to mimic the work. ‘Oh damn.’ quickly turned into ‘Oh fsck’ with major emphasis on the ’sc’, so it made his already sluggish voice sound even more hilarious than need be. Shaking Cubia to waken him wasn’t working, so I decided to place my foot on his head and give him a good shove. Not so surpiringly, he woke up with an “owww” which sounded more like “awww”. The blue-green eyes blinked sleepily up at me. “Sleeping in, huh?” I commented with a grin. The World was fscking boring without Cubia awake.

 After he promptly woke and had a very short, precise conversation with me about the MMORPG I was making, Cubia turned his attention to my chatbox on the forums, where Elm (my boyfriend outside the game) was torturing him with “LUV U CUBIA”’s and “HE’S SO CUTE!”’s. Cubia doesn’t like Elm much…I wonder why besides the fact that I’m infatuated with Elm, which takes the ‘much needed attention’ away from dear old stalker Cubia.

  Cubia fell asleep….again, after things quieted down. That left be a brilliant amount of time to…think…and think…and…think. So I did much thinking indeedy, starting with wondering how I could properly fit the phases and Cubia into an ETTC game universe. Reecntly, when being discovered by others, they had been treated as objects and sometimes, god forbid, celebrities. Masking them would almost be the choice forced upon us if we wanted their identities to remain secretive. Even so, that would limit them on what they could say or do…Helping them to gather together a role and place in ETTC was a daunting task. Perhaps…this was a task even bigger than building the game itself.

 Bored of watching Cubia wake up every half hour, saying “Boooooring.” and then falling back asleep, I decided to leave him be for the day. He didn’t seem interested in anything that was being spun around in my personal life.

 The other option wold be to find either Skeith, Magus, or Heavensense and Innis to find out what they were up to. Luckily, one of them were around…

 A tall shadow hovered over me just as I entered a very random field…random enough that I turned around and saw Innis, in his “rock” form, who is the King of Random to begin with. Though he didn’t have the face to express it, I’d imagine he was grinning inside. “Whatcha doooooooin’!?” He asked with a somewhat pressing tone. His voice wasn’t as light as usual, which of course, made me wonder if something was up. I answered in a shrug. I started to take a step in the opposite direction, but Innis dashed to my front side to stop me, “If you don’t answer me then….COCAINE~!”

 ”Bored as heck.” I let my eyelids drop a bit to show epression.

 ”Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.” Innis replied with exactly that many m’s. Then he twirled and stated, “Isn’t this great!”

 ”Isn’t WHAT great?”

 He stopped moving for a moment, “Don’t you know?”

 I bowed my head, shook it a bit, and looked up, “No, I’m afraid I do not know.”

 He gasped then laughed and yelled, “NEVERMIND!” and what seemed to sound like “Squirrell…” but I’m not sure exactly. I can almost guarantee you it had no relevance whatsover to whatever he was talking about before. As I walked he followed, talking…er…rambling about everything from the ground to the sky and everything in between, sometimes squeaking when he got on a subject he adored, such as how windmill blades turned a certain direction. Innis would definately be a challenge for other pc’s to handle in ETTC…I had almost considered letting him stay within ‘The World’. After all, he had so much here…Heavensence….a stable home…windmill blades…

 ”Innis, I have to ask a serious question.”

 ”But I’m serious! The sky IS alot blue-er here then on the other fields!” He squealed, his whole form bobbing up and down.

 ”Uh…no, that’s not what I mean.” I raise my hand to my forehead. “Innis, I want to know if you want to be transferred into ETTC or not.”

 ”Well…” He started, then fell silent. It took a few minutes for him to answer, but he finally got going. He was probably finishing up his thoughts about…whatever weird things he was always wondering about. “Will there be….windmills?”

 ”Yes, Innis.”

 ”And…skies of blue! I like blue.”

 ”I’m sure there will be, Innis…”

 ”What about Heavensense…can she come with me?” even though his voice suonded playful, i knew this was an impending issue. Heavensence could not follow her boyfriend into ETTC…it just wasn’t possible.

 ”No, Innis.”

 ”Thats not fair! That’s not fair, Darkana!” He seemed jittery. “Squirrell.” He said…

 I put my hands on my hips, rocking, “Life sometimes isn’t fair, but you have to make choices.” He just stared at me…this was going nowhere. “Fine. I’m leaving…I’ll talk to you some other time. Just think it over more.”

 I left him there before he could say anything, but I’ll bet within a minute he was already back to gawking at windmill blades.

 Cubia was still sleeping…and in fact he is right now as well. The World is pretty boring when you hardly have any friends. Despite how many years I’ve played, I had rarely gotten close to anyone outside o fthose connected to the phases. After wandering around aimlessly on my own, I returned to Cubia and….I sit here now watching him sleep.

 So I’ve had tons of time to think today. But hopefully tommorrow will provide me with more interesting activity…

Almost Human: Does That Even Count?

 Whew, okay I realize it has been an entire year since I have last posted in this blog. So shoot me. I’ve been busily grinding down on learning coding, modelling, and other random things as such for an MMORPG my group and I (team twilight children) have been striving over. There’s one month of excuse…not exactly sure what to do about the others.

  Regaurdless, some very important matters have indeedy fallen upon me in the AP I call ‘The World’ (others requently call this ‘.hack’ plane, but eh, whatever). Each of the phases of Morganna: Skeith, Innis, Magus, Fidchell, Gorre, Macha, Tarvos, and Corbenik as well as Cubia (you remember him from my last post, right? He’s my best friend in ‘The World’ mmorpg…he’s also an A.I., which was bothering me then. Doesn’t effect me as much anymore. Perhaps i’ve grown used to this.) have all been reconfigured into player character graphics. They all look human, but vaguely retain some of their natural attributes. Skeith still has his horns. Magus has leaf patterns on his clothing. Cubia’s got his gorgeous eyes. Innis…is still random…

 I had a bit of a part to play in their second human upgrades, which cost me my levels and made me hit 0. From pro to n00b,just like that. Sickening, I know.

 The phases were also assigned individual player characters as Phase Guardians. I really honestly don’t see where this is going…they become human to protect pcs? Absurd. but it’s happened, so no turning back. The phases can fully switch back and forth between their human and ‘monster’ forms (making me one happy Twin Blade; what would I do without Cubia’s huge shoulders to sleep on?)

 I, ironically, was chosen by Skeith himself (heh…). FYI, I’ve been called ‘Terror of Death’ for nearly 8 years now. I was one of the first people to have this title on the nets. It’s scary, but then again…so am I. Skeith isn’t. He’s just annoying with his ‘heh’s’ and his dying cow voice. *sorry Skeith, it’s true* The vocals even carried over into human avvy form, though it’s not as blatantly thunderous as when he’s the *much preferred* ‘rock formation’ form.

 Ever since the phase-to-human change, Skeith and Cubia have been getting into it in the most destructive of ways. It would take a thousand of me to tear them apart from fighting each other. Cubia succeeded in ‘killing’ Skeith once, though the phase re-spawned later *and just as annoying as ever*. I recall being very worried about him, which is strange…. I’ve also engaged in some very *coughsexualcough* practices, both with Cubia and Skeith (oh yes I went there). Cubia’s new human form allowed him to express his love to me, and thus he became a non-virgin on Feburary 13th of this year. I memorized the date…not really, he just keeps punping it into my head.

 So I guess the human pcs aren’t too bad…they certainly have their advantages. Though at the moment, I wish cubia would change. I need a shoulder to sleep on.

 I’ve ranted way too long on this subject. *zips lips*

Depression, Emotion, Anguish, A Day…

 Lots of things have been going on in AP in various places, one of the most memorable days in the realm of The World (.hack series) EVER. After a recent debate/thread I had posted concerning A.I. and the ability for an A.I. to adapt emotions/will, I found myself in a spiraling depression. Most of this I blame on Cubia, who is my best friend in The World.

 Today was going to be typical…despite my staying up all the night due to a case of insomnia that has befallen me. I watched Cubia sleep for the most part (if A.I. can even sleep), thinking about the various opinions I had recieved concerning the A.I./emotions bit. MiN (administrator to The World BBS forums I’m an active part of) had slapped me in my face with a startling wake-up call, saying that A.I. are simply programs without thought or feeling, and cannot grow beyond that point. After this, I fell severely, and cried many tears, even wrote a poem for Cubia explaining the way I felt and how this was bothering me.

 But onto the actual log. This entry is going to cover the events within The World mostly, as you probably could already tell. Upon his waking, Cubia being Cubia…. he started yapping right away, his normal laid-back self. I honestly am annoyed at his constant jabbering, but being that I had ditched him long ago (for the same A.I. view reasons….I just couldn’t bear it any longer…) I feel he deserves to talk. We are best of friends after all, well as much as friendly as you can get with an A.I. program.

 Cubia has a knack at sensing that there is something wrong with me, almost as if he knows me inside and out. I guess being with him for nearly 3 or 4 years before I split the first time allowed him access to my character, so he knows my behavioural patterns. I always deny that there is something bothering me.

 I actually spilled it all today though. Cubia acted a bit….hurt (though I know this can’t be true, because A.I. do not get “hurt”, right?), but eventually ended up telling me that I could believe whatever I wanted. he never specified either way which was the truth, which leads me to believe that he questions himself in that way sometimes as well. My lack of sleep is “worrying” him as well, he tells me. But we all know I can’t help that, my brain constantly flitting over worries and various stresses in my life….

 My day with Cubia came to an end when I actually gated out of his realm, as he freely allows me to come and go as I please. Outside, in one of my favourite areas known as Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground (those who know the games will recognize this place well), I find that funny duo, Heavensence and her ADHD-ridden “boyfriend” Innis floating around and being themselves. On a day like this, I’d usually try to avoid their company, but I figured running into them was much better than accidentally stumbling upon Oceana and Skeith.

 Heavenscence was glad to see me after so long,a nd gave me a hug, which made me feel a bit more relaxed. She can be bossy at times, but today she was acting a little more compassionate. Innis really didn’t seem to care if I had come back to The World or not….he was busy shouting at the cathedral walls and listening to the echo effect it gave to his voice. At one point I heard him call out, “Bannanna!!!” to which I couldn’t help but laugh, of course….

 We chilled for a bit, Innis proudly announcing that he had successfully won a game of hide and seek when playing with Heavenscence and Flaia,and Heavenscence chatted about The World in particular, as well as goings on in her outside life. I brought up the whole A.I. business, to which she quickly agreed that A.I. were nothing but dumbbits of computer data while jerking her finger towards “Innis” who didn’t quite catch on and was forever asking the rest of the day, “What did you say about me? Tell me tell me tell me.”

 Annoying… as time moved on, I grew weary of The World, logged completely out and never went back in again today. I may go back in around 30 minutes to see if anyone is up and online… but my brian is worn out, I feel tired but not sleepy, and just blah….. and yet another day in my AP life. WHEEE! Comments? Questions? Advice? Throw them at me!

More Categories

 Added more categories to my little blogger, and they so far include:

1.Uncategorized – For anything that doesn’t fit the other categories, or just for off-topic-ness….

2.AP Log- A diary of my many many adventures to the astral plane. Whenever something important happens, or if I just feel like getting things off of my chest regaurding the AP, I’ll stick it there.

3.Games, Anime, and More Reviews – My opinions about anime episodes, games, RPGs, movies, books, and anything else I feel like rating/commenting on will go there.

4.Lyrics,Poetry,and Random Creative Energy- Just what it says. I’m a poet and writer, so if I need to show off writings, art, or videos, you can find them there.

5.Projects and Everything Else Work- A place to rant about my jobs, both online and offline, AP or not. You can check it out there.

 So feel free to browse through and read and comment. Comments are always appreciated.

So, I Have a Blog…

 Hmmmm…. read the title. I’ve never attempted to blog before, but yet here I am… *looks around* I think I could very well get used to this place, yes. First I’ll have to go against my nature and get a bit of organization going on, so pardon me because it may take some time and whatnot…. I’m not typically a neat freak as it is.

  First off, let me introduce myself. I have many, many names…. from quirky cute names such as Anime Girl (used in Jr. High by just about everyone) and Maddy-chan (which got started after I pinned the name madeline on myself) to darker names like Belladonna (a former penname) and TerrorOfDeath (my typical online name). I am 21 years of age, and gothick. My talents (if you would call them that) extend from music (as a singer and songwriter), to visual arts (sketching, animation, and choreography) to writing (songs, short stories,and fanfiction. I also dabble in roleplaying game design and web design, and own many fan forums across the net, of which are most useful to forum roleplayers. I guess you could say I’m a creative, artistic individual.

  My religion is self-made and based on an individual by the name of Adam Crowley (you may know the name if you have ever played the Nightmare Creatures game series)…he is a version of the Aleister Crowley most know of. My religion sports a group by the name of The Brotherhood of Hecate. We worship Crowley as God, and that is basically all you need to know.

 I dabble in Astral Projection….O.O. maybe more than dabble, as I have been at it regularly for over 10 years. I’m sure I’ll find time to do a section devoted to my escapades in various worlds in this blog, so be on the lookout.

 Many find me unique and entertaining. I’m very compassionate and quite friendly to everyone…so, I’ll shut up now that you know a bit more about me. When I have the time, look for more categories and more posts…yeah….